Negative for malignancy

I have some amazing news to share – the biopsy (see post from yesterday) came back negative for malignancy – which means I don’t have cancer!


I don’t have many answers as to what is happening right now, but I’m going to try to focus on the fact that no matter what – at least I don’t have cancer.


I wasn’t the only one who was happy to hear this news:

Beep's face when I told her I don't have cancer.

Beep’s face when I told her I don’t have cancer.

However, my sister did not do a very good job at sharing this news with her boyfriend, Matt:

When sending your boyfriend a text about your sister's test results, please make sure autocorrect doesn't change the diagnosis.

When sending your boyfriend a text about your sister’s test results, please make sure autocorrect doesn’t change the diagnosis.

Apparently, autocorrect wants me to have cancer. Screw you, autocorrect.


I’m not very satisfied with the doctor’s plan to revisit things in one year. I am still extremely tired. My swallowing (and sometimes breathing) are affected by these nodules and my damaged thyroid.

Just two weeks ago, I choked while eating nachos. Pretty serious choking. I thought I was going to die. I live alone and I was afraid they would find Beep eating my body and that my tombstone would say “She died eating what she loved most – nachos.”

I’m keeping my appointment with the doctor at the Medical College of Wisconsin. I’m hoping he will have a plan for dealing with these nodules in an non-invasive way – or at least will have answers on how to deal with them. And the exhaustion. And the brain fog. And the anxiety.

I’m still going to struggle for awhile, but I’m hopeful that the weight of the “C” word being lifted from my diagnosis will help.

But above all, I am thankful to God for answering all my prayers. All your prayers. All our prayers.

I’m humbled and quite overwhelmed at the outpouring of support from all of you. I didn’t realize how much you all care. The texts, emails, comments, phone calls, likes and inbox messages have truly touched me more than I can adequately put into words.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

“There’s a chance you have cancer but I don’t want to speculate until we know more.”


“But don’t worry. Even if it is cancer, you’ve probably had it for months or years – waiting a few weeks for a biopsy isn’t a big deal. This cancer grows slowly.”


Let’s back up.

I started noticing some difficulty swallowing in late spring. I felt like I had a lump in my throat – like when you have a cold – only I didn’t have a cold. My sinuses, ears and lungs were fine. I just had a sore throat and didn’t feel like I was running at 100%.

I couldn’t take my morning pills and vitamins all in one gulp of water like I used to. I actually choked on my medication a couple of times.

I felt like something was wrong, but I wasn’t ready to deal with it. June was going to be crazy – I was moving across town, my brother was getting married and I had a three-day sorority conference out of state.

I told myself that if I still felt off after I had gotten through my move, the wedding and the conference, that I’d get in to see my doctor.

On June 29, I saw my primary doctor. I told her that I felt like there was a fullness in my throat/neck and that I was concerned that there was something wrong with my thyroid. I’ve had hypothyroidism for almost six years and I am able to recognize the symptoms when I’m having a flare up. This seemed more than a flare up.

My doctor examined me and said it did feel like my thyroid was enlarged on the right side. She recommended I have an ultrasound to rule out any problems. She also ordered a blood test to see if my TSH counts were off. My counts were off, so she increased my meds again.

I had an ultrasound the following week. I was very nervous but the technician was really nice – even though it felt like I was suffocating as she pressed the ultrasound wand into my neck to get images of my thyroid. I was told that I would get the results in a few days.

I left the hospital nervous, but figured I wouldn’t worry about it until the results were in. I went and got my nails done and was headed home when my phone rang. It was my doctor’s nurse. Just 90 minutes after I left the hospital they were already calling with results.

The nurse said I had multiple nodules on my thyroid and that my doctor was giving me a referral to an endocrinologist. I was transferred to the specialty area to make an appointment.

I made an appointment (but couldn’t get in until August 19) and asked to be put on a wait list. I followed up with a friend who works at the medical college (and whose dad is a retired ER doc). My friend spoke to colleagues who recommended I make an appointment with one of the endocrinologists there (who happens to specialize in nodules and thyroid cancer). A friend’s younger sister who had thyroid cancer seven years ago also recommended this doctor so I called to make an appointment but I couldn’t get in to see him until September 28. I am also on his wait list.

I wasn’t handling this well – that i had all these nodules and I had to wait so long to even have a consultation. Meanwhile, the fullness in my throat is getting worse and every week i notice another head/neck position that makes me hyper-aware of these nodules.


The next week, I got a call from the guy my doctor recommended – there was a cancellation and they got me in for an appointment. Dr. S. did an exam and asked me lots of questions. He said that my thyroid is very damaged and that the damage is irreversible. It’s enlarged all over with multiple nodules on the right side and there’s one on the left side that is 1.7cm. He said this one is suspicious – partially because of its size, but also because it’s by itself. He also said my personal health history as well as family history (aunt had thyroid cancer a few years ago and my grandpa had half of his thyroid removed a decade ago due to suspicious nodules) combined add to the suspicion.

The doctor said that it could be cancerous but he didn’t want to speculate until we did a biopsy. But he said the “C” word and I didn’t hear much else he said after that.

I do remember him saying that depending on the test results, we may take a variety of treatment paths: Surgery, additional biopsies on the other nodules, ultrasounds and close monitoring every six months.

I had a FNAB (Fine Needle Aspiration Biopsy) yesterday. Guided by an ultrasound, the doctor inserted 25 gauge needles into the nodule and removed tissue. Four times. (For comparison, blood donation uses 16 or 17 gauge needles).

The first two biopsies were unpleasant but bearable. The last two were so painful. No anesthesia at all. My neck/throat hurt a lot when I left the clinic. Obviously after leaving, I got a frappuccino and went to acupuncture because my anxiety is through the roof and when you have giant needles shoved in your throat the obvious next step is to jab a bunch of needles all over your body.

The last seven weeks have been torture. My anxiety is getting out of control. I’m trying everything to remain calm.

I feel the nodules every time I swallow. Every time I turn my head. I frequently have a sore throat or hoarse voice.

On top of that, despite the increase in dosage, I am still suffering the effects of a prolonged hypothyroid flareup. I am exhausted. All.The.Time.


It takes all I have to get through the work day. I come home and crash. On weekends, I wake up around 6 a.m. and then take my first nap around 9 a.m. Yes, I said first nap. I nap all day.

I even stayed home from work today because I’m just so tired. And my neck is sore. And my voice is hoarse. And my neck is swollen. And I just can’t.

I am working on the anxiety, thanks in part to acupuncture, essential oils/baths, prayers and meditation. But the chronic exhaustion is taking it’s toll on me mentally and physically.

The next few days will be torture as I try to get through the day while worrying about when I will receive a call from a doctor telling me if I have cancer or not. Or if things are suspicious and surgery is recommended for further investigation. It’s all nerve-racking.

Please keep me in your prayers. Send your positive thoughts and wishes for strength and faith that I can get through this.

Please also send ice cream. Preferably this:

Photo: LauraLeeMarx
Photo: LauraLeeMarx


28 Days of Salads

Day 1: Organic romaine lettuce, organic kale, organic boston lettuce, organic Roma tomatoes, croutons, Romano/asiago/Parmesan cheese blend, boiled chicken and newman's own organic Caesar dressing.

No, this isn't like that time I went tried to go vegetarian for a month. I have been horrible and spending too much money eating at restaurants and/or ordering take out these past couple of months. It's sad because I love to cook. Maybe it's just … [Continue reading]

That time I lopped off my boobs… for science


Editor's note: This post has been in draft mode for almost six months. I have been debating for years on whether or not I should share my story. I mean, it's personal. SUPER personal. But, I remember trying to search for information when I was going … [Continue reading]

Couch to 5k

Week 1, Day 2

  So, I guess this running thing isn't a fluke! After not running for 13+ mo, I have now ran three times in less than 10 days. It feels great to be back. I'm taking things slow with C25K and spacing out workouts as to not overwhelm … [Continue reading]

I ran.

photo (6)

So…last night I ran. I ran for the first time in nearly 14 months. I wasn't planning to run. It just happened. I ran. I am camping with my family and just before dinner last night I decided to walk down to the bathroom. I ran. After a few … [Continue reading]